sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
