I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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