the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
