Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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