just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
