this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
