Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
