i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
