That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It's like God shit irony all over that family
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
