my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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