I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
