just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
