Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
two words...techno handjob
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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