I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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