Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
