i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
