dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I think I won the penis lottery.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
