It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
