Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
