:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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