I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
