somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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