I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
ugly people sure do ruin things
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Go christen that room with your naked body.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
