You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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