I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
