lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Randomize
