She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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