This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
