if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
