Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
