Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
If its not for food we ain't going out.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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