Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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