Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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