You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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