I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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