apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
