When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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