we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
