... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
