I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
