I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
