I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
