he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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