He disabled his match.com account in front of me
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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