I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
