You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
