Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
