They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
