is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
