its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
