Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
