my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
