Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
