You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
