I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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