shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
we're so committed to being not committed
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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