Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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