nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
