i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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