My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
