I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
