mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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