all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
