its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
