So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
