You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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