Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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