haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
