If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
