Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
