There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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