I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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