And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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