ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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