I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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