what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Randomize
