Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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