I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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