omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
