apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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