I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
