i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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