I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
