If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
