We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
