in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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