I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Dignity is for republicans.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
