just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
