i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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