You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
