I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
