At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
