Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
