If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize