i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
