I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
