Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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