Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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