I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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