I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
