i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize