A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
