Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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