Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
