oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
