The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
